Divine Experiment

So, my church has joined up with this thing called the divine experiment. Basically it is a 21 day fast from anything that keeps us from God. I spent a lot of time mulling over what things I needed to fast from and almost every time I thought I had settled on a particular thing my focus changed. Here are the things that I am publicly committing to giving up for until March 6: energy drinks/coffee, alcohol, wasting time, secular music and shaving. In addition, I am trying to add a few things to my routine: more exercise and more prayer. My roommates have committed to me on the secular music thing and we have also agreed to try to eliminate picking on one another, even though it is rarely if ever mean spirited.

In these 21 days I am expectant of change, though I don't know what that will look like. I have been praying about that already, and I have been asking for God to change me in some specific ways, like emboldening me to reach out to people and to stop judging people before I even speak to them.

So like I said this has been an evolving, changing and ever-growing list. Last night during prayer time my friend confessed that she struggles with trust. Just listening to her and then to the testimonies, advice, scripture, and prayer offered in response I realized that God was revealing that weakness in my own heart to me. I do struggle with trust as part of my greater struggle with self-worth. That's where the shaving comes in. I'm not going to shave, not just because that will give me a few extra minutes every day, but because to me that is a symbol of the oppression that I am under from the desire to be seen attractive.

Over the first two days of this experiment the direction the participants have been directed to move is towards recognizing a need for humility and submitting in that. It's a difficult concept to grasp for me, but I realize that in my lack of self confidence is a lack of humility. Because of my fears and shame I am unwilling to humble myself to God's works and desires.

So pray for me if you want, and pray for yourself. What are you holding onto that is keeping you from growing closer to God? What is that last 2%, as a friend once called it, between you and full submission to and reliance upon God? Lets see what happens.

p.s. I'm sorry this post was so stream-of-consciousness, but then again, the title of this blog is "Idle Thoughts from an Active Mind."

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
-Proverbs 3:5-6