Trust

I've been holding on so tight
Look at these knuckles
They've gone white

Let It Go - Tenth Avenue North

Tonight was a long night. This week was a long week. Lets face it, its a long life.

Now that is not a bad thing, in fact I completely disagree with that thought. (That was for you Rollin.) Life is long, but it is so short. We are a flash in the pan, a blink of the eye. We don't have the time to hold on to the bad. That is how we get overwhelmed.

Trust me, I know a lot about not letting go. In fact, if it were some kind of competition I am pretty sure I would win. This is the ultimate of "do as I say, not as I do" suggestions, and you know I'm right.

But it is more than just letting go of the hurt, the pain. You have got to face it head on. Now this one I fail miserably at. The amazing thing about life is that every second is an opportunity for a fresh start.

Now, if you haven't realized this yet, 99% of this blog is me talking to myself, telling myself what I need to do. But, you are probably, no I can pretty much guarantee you have or will read at least one thing that hits home for you too.

Why are you striving these days?
Why are you still trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North

Yep, I'm listening to them right now. Good stuff too, you should definitely be listening to them as well.

That is how I feel some times. Sometimes, more often that sometimes really, I feel like nothing I do is ever enough. That no matter how hard I work, how hard I try it just isn't good enough.

We can't do it alone. We need help, and sometimes the best way is to let yourself be overcome.

I'm a shipwreck a sailor lost at sea
You're a tidal wave
And you're crashing over me
Caught in your current and I'm sinking
But drowning peacefully

I'm crying out come rescue me with love
Like a child needs a night light in the dark
Lord, light me up I'm lovesick for
Just one touch
You're all I need
But you never seem to be enough

Lovesick - (You Guessed It) Tenth Avenue North

So drown in his love. Even if you feel like you have nothing, he will sustain you. I love that the chorus ends with "But you never seem to be enough." I have literally spent hours praying and thinking about that one line. What does it mean?

Tonight it hit me like a sledgehammer.

The important word in that line is "seem." He is more than enough for any of us. Why do we not trust in that? We convince ourselves of the lie that he might not come through or that he might not be enough. It's almost laughable. Why are we so foolish? Why am I so foolish? He only died to save every person who ever has, is or will live. Yeah, he can't possibly help me.

So crash over me, pull me under. Tell me to let it go, and be there to listen. Be by my side when I fall, when I cry in the darkest of the dark nights, when I call. Rescue me with love.

Rescue me. With Love.

He is meek, he is the Lamb led to slaughter. He is mighty, the lion of Judah. He is LOVE.

"The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, 'Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!'" - John 1:29

"Then one of the elders said to me, 'Do not weep! See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has triumphed.'" - Revelation 5:5

Let it out

I've been listening to Seabird's "Don't you know you're beautiful" a lot recently. In concert the lead singer said it was a song about coping with divorce, and reaching out for help. This is true, but it is so much more than that.

"And all this time saying you were fine, and everyone still to blame.
Well there you are, you and your broken heart. It's written all over your face."

These lyrics should speak to all of us. We all have a hurt that we won't share with others, but why? What are we afraid of? Are we so scared of revealing that we aren't perfect, or that we have been hurt that it's worth it to go on in that awful state. I am as guilty of this as anyone, and I try to let it out, but it is hard. So where do we go from here?

What I have found is that not only am I unable to talk to the people around me I struggle to even talk about it to myself or in my prayers.

I'm too proud to ask. - Enter the Worship Circle

It's hard to be vulnerable, admit it, it is. No one likes to be vulnerable, that is not a radical statement. Why are we this way though? Why have friends if we aren't even going to talk to them? Why pray if we can't pray about the things that hurt the most.

Can you undo me, enough to heal me?

Take that first step, step out on that edge, see what happens. I need to do this as much as anyone, but what if you did that? How would that feel? How would that look or sound?

If you are approached by someone who is hurting this is what I ask of you. Drop whatever you are doing, stop texting, playing video games, working on homework, whatever and just listen. You don't even have to say anything, just shut up, pay attention, and be there. Respond if they want you to, if not, just be there to listen.

For those of us who need to talk (yes that is you) take the risk and say something. If you have before, you know how good it can feel, if you haven't yet, it's time you found out.

We only have one life, we only have the people in it for a short time.

Don't you know you're beautiful - Seabird

I see you laughing
But I know inside that you're crying
Just tell me what happened when things went wrong
We'll try to make sense of it all
Please don't blame yourself
Cause you're not by yourself
I've been right here all along
Don't have to be alone
Because you've always known
Wherever your heart is my home

Love for Professors?

Does anyone else feel guilty when they write a book report for a class because you spoil the ending of the book for your professor? I always do.

Poetry

One day, I sat in on Marissa's Physics class. Instead of getting a headache trying to figure out what the heck the guy was talking about I wrote some poetry after reading some of William Blake's for my English class.

On Justice

Oh sweet justice with blind eyes,
How can one serve thee?
Human work never satisfies,
But if it could, what glee!

For human hearts once were lost
And now feel only greed.
Why can't we humbly bear our cross
And help the ones in need?

It's said the last shall be first
That those with eyes can see
But why not act now? Why not quench thirst
And begin perfect eternity?


That poem was a combination of my thoughts as well as an echoing of William Blake's "The Human Abstract" from Songs of Experience.

This poem is a bit darker, just a fair warning.

Where is the Love?

Hatred, anger, lies, deceit
These were the nails in hands and feet
That hung my lover on the hill
And since that day grown stronger still.

How can we hate those we don't even know
Enough to leave them freezing in the snow?
Why such anger for another
Who, with God as father, is your brother?

Lies are words up from the vent
Where the evil one was sent
And the sin of deceit
Makes the dark lords quest complete

How can two brothers so hate?
What makes partners so irate?
The same reason he was nailed to a tree
He who valued, over his life, we?!?

I know that I have a ways to go with the whole poetry bit, but sometimes it just feels good to get it out there. Have a wonderful day, smile at someone.

What's the rush?

I alwyas see people rushing. I am always rushing, you are always rushing, and you have seen it as well. I wonder, why is it that people are in such a rush. What are we losing by taking it easy? What are we missing when we rush?

I'd like to tell a story to illustrate this point.

I was in the Boy Scouts until I turned 18. My three greatest memories from scouting are being selected to join the Order of the Arrow (a secret society), going to Sea Base - living on a sailboat for a week - and going to Philmont.

Most of you have never heard of Philmont, so quickly, it is a "high adventure" scout camp. it is located in north eastern New Mexico, and it is essentiall a huge mountain park. My trip to Philmont was a roughly 100 mile hike through the mountains over the course of 10 days. Here is where I will begin to tie this rambling back to my point.

Every day we would break camp at 4:30 or 4:45 and hit the trail to the next camp. We would hike at a 16 minute a mile pace when going up hill and even faster when going downhill. For those of you wondering why that matters, that is extremely fast.

There are 2 main events that always reappear in my mind when I catch myself rushing. Some of the greatest beauty to be found is in the landscape that has yet to be altered by man. We went through mointain passes from your dreams, into valleys of whistling aspen, and across real bubbling brooks with jumping fish. We saw deer, foxes, a bear, and many other beatiful creatures, some more closely than we might have hoped.

But the most amazing thing I saw happened on the fourth day of our hike. We were walkigng next to a stream, and not fifteen feet from the trail there was a massive beaver dam. The beavers were hard at work building the dam and I must have seen fifteen or so of them slapping mud into the dam with their tails, caring for their babies, or just playing and splashing. This was beaver heaven. We stopped upon my request and my dad and I took a few pictures while the others rested.

That evening before we went to sleep, as was our custom, we shared our high and lowlights from the day. I went next to last and I was surprised when noone mentioned the dam. When it was my turn I said "the beaver dam was one of the most beautiful and perfect things I have ever seen. It was so amazing to see them working together and having a blast." 10 of the 11 other people in my group (everyone but my dad, including the other 2 leaders) looked at me and sai "What beaver dam?"

Two mornings later we broke camp from an amazing place, Cimmaroncito, (amazing becuase that was the only stop with showers) at 4:30 as usual and headed out. We left before the other two groups from our troop, but though nothing of it. When we finished the trip some three days later we were greeted a the end of the trail by our head scoutmaster who had driven up from Beaumont to greet us.

He asked us how we liked the cake they sent to Cimmaroncito to be left for us at 7a.m. We had missed it because of our rush to get to the next campsite.

So whats my point?

Slow it down or you could miss the dam cake.

But seriously, ever since then I have caught myself rushing, and those memories, as well as others have helped me to remember that we only get one life, one day at a time. This world, and the people in it are amazing. Don't take it for granted.

From Cynicism to Love

"Pity would be no more, If we did not make somebody Poor; And Mercy no more could be, If all were as happy as we."
William Blake - The Human Abstract - Songs of Experience

Blake here asserts that pity only exists because man has created the state of poverty, and likewise that we have created happiness and unhappiness and therefore we need mercy to console the unhappy. These are difficult comments to attack, and strike me in a new way each time I read them.

Ghandi once said "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

He is right.

Let's forget reality for a moment and view the world idealistically. If all people acted the way Christ did, there would be no need for mercy and pity, there would be no evil, and there would be no hate.

Back to reality, we are not all like Christ, nor are we all Christian. So where does this leave us?

Let's now examine this from the opposite perspective. If we all did behave as Christ, and had from the beginning, there would have been no need for him to come. If we had behaved as Christ from the start he would have no purpose to serve. Some could argue that he therefore still served no purpose, but I would beg to differ.

Humans are not like Christ. We do not love fully, we do not always choose the right path, and we (Christians) need his guidance.

So lets take Blake head on, and explore his thoughts a bit more. His statements are quite true but he neglects a number of key facts. Without unhappiness there can be no mercy, but without unhappiness there can be no happiness. Without Pity there can be no Joy.

Blake's Poem ends: "the Gods of the earth and sea Sought through Nature to find this Tree, But their search was all in vain: There grows one in the Human Brain."

The middle of the poem is concerned with the creation of peace through fear, as well as Cruelty, false humility, Mystery, and Deceit.

These are all creations of man, yes. I would argue a few new ideas.

Love is the only force that cannot be held back,
Like Thunder it shakes the earth.
Like a great wave it pushes all else away, under, out
It is the only thing you get more of the more you give it away.

Without love there is fear
Without love there is hate
Without love there is nothing
But take heart, love does not keep score

Love does not grow tired of waiting,
Like the prodigal son, you are welcomed back by love
Wrapped in its arms so strong until you finally give in
Love will not give up on you,

There is no limit on love, you cannot be left out
All who want shall receive if they will only give
All that is required is all you have
All your hate, lies and guilt must be cast away

Dive in headfirst
Dive in to love
Don't check to make sure its deep enough, it is, I swear
Dive in to love, the Love that before the world was made is

Many things he said, all were important
But above all remember this
Faith, hope, and love will be all that remain
But the greatest? Love.

A few other thoughts on love:

There is only one happiness in life -- to love and to be loved.

George Sand
1804-1876, French Novelist

“Eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is.”

Gary Zukav

“We cannot do great things on this Earth, only small things with great love.”

Mother Teresa

And a personal favorite from a book that means so much to me:

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”


Morrie Schwartz - Tuesdays with Morrie

First Post! An Elegiac Sonnet for Class

Yeah, that's right, a sonnet. Take it or leave it.

Last grip lost, complete isolation now
The carcass hauled away, forever gone
And left in a dark place so far below
The world knows it has witnessed its last dawn.
Death’s hold is strong, never before beaten.
Millions have tried but all will lose, surely.
Mountains of corpses, piled to be eaten
By his militia of plague, his army.
There is no hope, only acceptance sad
Knowing it is over, the task complete.
What joy can be found in this cruel fad
That draws many, for the fiend, to their feet?
Then suddenly the stone is rolled away
The grave empty, the sun rises, new dawn!

Well this was my attempt for extra credit in my English class. Hope it entertained you.